How are you Repressing your emotions?

I think most of us believe our fertility journey should be this beautiful easy experience, we decide we want a baby so we’ll have one now. The reality is a lot of woman have difficulty conceiving and this wonderful journey we believe we are going to have gets thrown into turmoil when we hear we have a gynaecological problem that can affect our fertility. Whether it is PCOS or endometriosis, blocked fallopian tubes or a low egg count, hearing you have any of these conditions can be devastating and crushes your perception of what this experience was ‘meant to be’ in your eyes.

How did you feel when you found out you had PCOS or any other gynaecological disorder that was affecting your fertility??? Sad, angry, why me… all the pretty normal reactions really. Did any of you feel guilty? I felt guilty that it was me in the relationship that was causing us to be unable to conceive. This is an emotion I really had trouble acknowledging and owning. I felt so bad that as a woman I couldn’t conceive and give my husband a child. I was starting to beat myself up that I had caused myself to have this condition but kept it in and not wanting anyone to know this is what I was feeling. There were times when I would be devasted when I got another period or saw women around me falling pregnant, it used to break my heart.

I repressed a lot of these emotions, which is not healthy for anyone. Repressed emotions cause our qi to stagnate and as I’ve discussed previously we want a healthy flow of qi and blood to help us to conceive. Stagnant qi has a big impact on our Luteinizing Hormone (LH) that is responsible for expelling the egg at ovulation. So, I had to learn how to feel these emotions and sit with them until they passed, realise it was ok to feel these but look further into why I was feeling them. I actually had to learn to talk to my partner about them too which was an amazing release in itself, he made me aware that it was our journey and together we would overcome it. He helped me overcome any guilt that I had felt about it being my problem, I want to pass on that importance of being united as a couple during this time and sharing your feelings, worries and concerns.

Another huge lesson I had to learn was patience!!! I have always been a go getter, I want something so I make it happen and when I wanted a baby I just couldn’t wait. I know many other women I speak to feel the same, a common phrase is “I want a baby yesterday”. Many women with this go getter attitude have a very hard time accepting that your little baby will come at just the right time when you really are ready, not when you think you are ready. That can be a hard thing to hear as I, and I’m sure many of you believed you were ready when you decided you first wanted a baby. As I am now a mother I can confidently say one of the best skills you can have is patience!

I believe both acupuncture and herbs helped my condition several months before I conceived then I still needed to work through other ‘stuff’. Believe it or not I now look back on my fertility journey as a blessing, a time when I grew so much as a women, I really started to know and understand my body on a different level, I connected deeper with my partner and we had this amazing time together overcoming a huge hurdle in our lives that made us a strong team helping us now as parents to our beautiful little boy.

Written by Brodie Mitchell, Acupuncturist at Life Synergy

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